Seriously, because that’s where I’m at right now. I don’t want to give up, but I’m feeling like I should just throw in the towel and forget about it.
I have a goal, I want to finally reach that goal, but it’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when you’re not moving forwards, but rather backwards.
I’ve been doing well, staying within my Macros for my food, exercising at least 5 times a week, sometimes twice a day. I’m listening to my trainer, but I’m just not seeing results. I was, don’t get me wrong, but this week has me discouraged more than most.
While I was on vacation, I measured, didn’t see the measurements I was hoping for, in fact, they went up rather than down. We were stuck in Arizona because of that whole Southwest Airlines debacle, so I ended up having to weigh myself during vacation as well, on a scale, that wasn’t mine. Scary in itself, but, according to that scale, I had lost 7lbs. I was HAPPY! Super HAPPY! Knowing in the back of my mind, that yes, it could be wrong, but I was rolling with it. Heck, I even WORKED OUT while on vacation! Stayed within my food, everything. The only thing I struggled on was water..
Next week was measurements, and they were good. I wasn’t happy with them once again, but big surprise. I’m working SO HARD on this, I want to see better results faster. But alas, the boss (my trainer) said I was right on track and doing awesome. So, happy with the results I will be. Here’s the latest progress….
This week though, this week, I feel down, I feel discouraged, I feel like giving up. I don’t know if it’s PMS or what…But, I keep thinking, what is the point in working so hard for this, when I gain weight?!?!?! Bootcamp 2-3 times a week, gym at least 3 times a week, and like I said, sometimes twice a day. My food, probably could be better, but I’m still working on it, I’m eating what I’m supposed to be eating, I’m staying within my macros, I’m drinking my water. What more can I do? Maybe I’m just determined to be fat, ugly and unmotivated. Maybe I should give up.
This week I got a new scale to do a review on, which will be coming up soon, because I am NOT happy with the scale. It made me cry, yes the scale made me cry. It was 10lbs over what I last weighed myself as. 10 lbs in 2 weeks? REALLY?!?!?! So, I took out my old, usual scale that I normally weigh myself on. Yup, still up, 4 lbs. What the HELL is going on?????? PMS? I’m just a fatty fat fat? I see my trainer this afternoon, and I don’t even want to give him the news that I’ve apparently gained 4lbs in 2 weeks, sure it’s better than gaining 10, but I shouldn’t be gaining anything!!! And no, it’s not muscle, that’s entirely impossible to gain 4lbs of muscle in 2 weeks….
I’m discouraged and I don’t know what to do…..run, hide, give up? My new mantra is supposed to be Never Give Up, but right now, that’s the hardest thing in the world NOT to do….. I keep trying to tell myself it’s not all about the numbers on the scale, and it really isn’t, and my trainer has told me a million times I’ll see ups and downs, but for whatever reason, this really has ME down…
August 8, 2016 – 10:10 AM - | Posted in daily life | 7 Comments »